No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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