I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
