im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
