guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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