I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
