My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
