I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
