margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
