and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My life is pants optional.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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