Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
