Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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