Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
