I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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