when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
