My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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