I wanna bring you to show and tell
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
