Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
