Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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