So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
