I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
