My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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