just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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