I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
third nipple confirmed
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
