Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
