She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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