So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
