I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
