I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
