you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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