Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
