Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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