the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
