why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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