I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
