Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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