It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
