I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Randomize
