At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
