dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
