I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
