she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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