And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
