ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
