Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
