he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
