If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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