I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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