Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
