she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
