She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
