nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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