Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
