drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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