OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
